Soundtrack To Hell.

im now listening to this song by enslaved. its a viking metal song called enslaved.
you know what it feels like?
soundtrack to hell.
it makes me feel like...
i'm in hell.
and there's no way i'm gonna survive.
like i'm damned forever.
it makes me wanna hang myself.
like i'm trapped here and the demons have my soul.

i like it.

somedays the world feels like its all gonna be fine.
somedays i just wish i could fucking kill myself.
i shouldnt stay alone so much.
when i'm alone...
my mind starts to roam...
its kinda nice that i always know that i have this option open to me.
i read a lot.
i know a lot.
i know exactly how to tie a noose to hang myself.
i know exactly where to cut so i'll bleed.
and never stop bleeding until i fall asleep.
forever.

has any1 ever heard of dead?
former vocalist of mayhem.
from what i've read, he felt just like he called himself.
dead.
he surrounded himself ith death.
he breathed deep of the stench of it before singing.
he felt like a corpse.
and he looked just like it too.
take a look.



and thats how i wanna look.
as a conscious statement against every1 who looks human.
who looks alive.
vibrant.
you'll all look like this when you die.
when i kill you all.

maybe this is a new start for me.
maybe it'll be good for me to be a living dead corpse.
corpses cant feel.
corpses cant love.
and they have nothing to lose.

i just feel... dead nowadays.
maybe its because i have nothing to do.
its now 2.
i wont be able to get to sleep anyway.
or maybe the next time i sleep i'll never wake up.
hopefully.

sometimes i'm just fucking sick of it all that i just wanna do a columbine.
seriously, i wont put it past myself doing that.
i hate every1 so i mise well, innit?

you know what they did to dead's skull after he died?
they smashed it into fragments and distributed it to the worthy.
maybe i should do that when i'm gone.
with my knucklebones, perhaps.
it'd be neater.
1 each for my bros.
and possibly some of my corpse left to feed to the dogs.

Atonement, by Opeth

Cleared the fog that was veiled around me
And blurred my sights
Suddenly, I'm no longer aching
To honor my plights

Rising moon and my skin is peeling
Past undone
Suddenly.
I can't justify
What I had become.