Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?

I manually wrote this out last night.
am typing it out now.

Just came back from dinner with fl.
am with larry and eugene now, just tcss.
(isnt it kinda sad that i dont do this with my crew or the rest of my friends?)
had a long chat with fl.
well...
it hit me.
why do i care abt stuff like live earth or racism when my friendships are breaking down?
no, i'm not blaming myself.
even today...
i asked you all out for supper.
10pm.
every1 shld be kinda free.
isn't too late, isn't too early.
in hougang.
nt too far either.
guess what?
ended up its just me and fl.

i rmb last time i said bl's falling apart.
yuxan said bl isn't falling apart.
he said i'm the 1 falling apart.
guess what?
we both were right.
i'm falling apart, partially bcos so's bl.
i wouldnt be falling apart this badly if you guys had the time to actually listen to me and talk abt stuff.
i just dreamt abt her last night again.
and im now thinking of her again.
which i always do (not on purpose) when i've nth to do.
i'm crying again, and you guys are NEVER here for me when i'm down.
only once, so far.
yuxuan and nic and william came down.
the rest were totally dead.

i'll reiterate what i said before.
t-shirt?
for fuck?
talk nia.
sec 3...
10 peng you...
ai chor mia...
now?
si mi brudda?
BUANG LIAO.
last holidays we din even meet up you know.
fl just made me realise.
lemme list up...

William-sometimes will meet up, if his training schedule permits, he'll try his best to work time in for us. its ALL downhill from here.

fl-NPCC lor. i dont like lah. hao ren bu zhuo zhuo mata. but its taking too much of his time too. but at least he could drag himself to have supper with me last night. its not a scheduling thing.
its the desire.
the rest of his time taken up by study.
this 1 for him cant complain.
ppl like nic... always say stuudies nt gd liao.
cock nia.
y haven't retain?
fl is real 1.
retain liao.
failing.
dropping out, maybe.
sounds like me.

ccl-always in wushu. either rp wushu, holy wushu or punggol cc wushu. no time 4 friends now liao. sadly, this is still betta than the rest.

NOD-my fault. i thought he change number, so i nv rly call him.
he joined us last night, but had to go off to shop at NTUC though.
i miss him.

fab-parents are strict. and apparently he's having family problems now too. cant rly blame him. maybe soon i wont be the only 1 with divorced parents. that'll be cool.

cm-church.
its now above all.
he'll only CONSIDER fitting us in if he's bored to death and sick of playing com AND feels like it.
he makes us feel like we're not holy enough to be his friends.
he's now officially forsaken us in favour of his church friends.
i think you're a fuckin' prat now.
hey dude.
we're sinners?
no one is innocent.
i'll quote fl here.
"hao join bu join qu join hallelujah."
and i rmb in sec 2 cm said he hated christians for being evangelistic.
well he's turned into what he hates.
hypocrite.

yuxuan-you're now putting b-boying above your friends.
shldn't hip hop be about the social aspect. crew. social group. not just meet once a week officially. you didnt even notice when i cut training to finish my news project last week. And today you didnt even inform me that training was cancelled. i only found out bcos i met nic by chance.
it seems there isn't room in the crew for ppl who aren't clones of you.
and what happened to friends outside of the crew?
guess what i heard?
last yeat you ps-ed fl's birthday.
to train, apparently.
and fl thought you spoke for all of us.
friend.
training.
which 1 more important to you now?
you dont even reply, even when i ask you a question.
you dont need to, actually. your answer's always a very bored sounding no.
and thats when you're not saying you "dont see a need" for helping your friends.

Wilson-you're more or less yuxuan's clone now. refer to above.
the only difference is your EXCUSE.
sometimes you reply and say dont want.
you either make up some stuff on or say "dont want. because i dont want."

Weng tat-refer to wilson. only difference is that you blatantly say you're too lazy.
you're just like a less bored-sounding version of yuxuan.

in summary, lemme quote somethings.
"ever felt like life was a tug of war and your mind was the rope"
thats not my life. mine's more to...
"ever felt like life was a tug of war and all the players walked off?"

i'm eighteen, by alice cooper.

Lines form on my face and hands
Lines form from the ups and downs
I'm in the middle without any plans
I'm a boy and I'm a man

I'm eighteen
and I don't know what I want
Eighteen
I just don't know what I want
Eighteen
I gotta get away
I gotta get out of this place
I'll go runnin in outer space
Oh yeah

I got a
baby's brain and an old man's heart
Took eighteen years to get this far
Don't always know what I'm talkin' about
Feels like I'm livin in the middle of doubt
Cause I'm eighteen.

YES, I'M 18 NOT 20.