you know it would be nice if i could take a metaphorical sabbatical.
just get marooned on a desert island, cut off from society.
its not that i hate my friends or anything.
its just that...
just maybe...
i'm sick of society.

its times like these that make me appreciate solitude.
by time i mean late nights and such.
its 2am now anyway.

so... yeah.
it would be nice to cut myself off temporarily.

i know i've said this a lot, but has any1 read the story "the curious incident of the dog in the nighttime"?
the autistic protagonist has this recurring dream.
every1 dies, and he can do whatever he wants, and be as alone as he wants

i kinda liked that book, not for its touchy-feely stuff.
rather, i liked that book because...
it offered perspective.

anyway, one day it'd be nice if i could go on a...
journey of self discovery.
go on a spiritual journey until i get an epiphany.
like homer simpson, whose childlike mentality i can identify with.

maybe. one day.

anyway, i read the most ridiculous thing in the papers the other day.
1 girl was complaining how "friendship" was becoming too impersonal, with the popularity of social networking sites.
you see, the funny thing is...
no1 held a gun to her head and told her to join.
no1's stopping her from leaving.
and yet she complains.

it isnt that hard you know.
i'm not the kinda people who... likes to make "friends".
i know the definition of a friend.
i do not have many, by choice i'd say.
i mean... i definitely do not have people queueing up to beg to be my friend.
but i'm not the sort to actively make friends either.

i don't like exuberant, outgoing people as much.
its nothing to do with asians being more reserved or anything.
its just that people like that...
what're they trying to prove?
that they're more popular?

whatever it is, i just find it rather disgusting.
i know a friend is somebody you at least talk to regularly.
not some1 you add on msn once or summat and then forget about.

seriously, sometimes i seem to be the product of a different culture.
i mean, i identify nothing with the average singaporean.
lemme list some ways.

1) i do not like chinese pop, not because its chinese. but because its pop.
i mean... pop isn't necessarily bad.
but why does chinese pop have to be so unabashedly commercialised?
shame... shame...

2) i do not use my mother tongue as my first language
(who came up with the term mother tongue anyway. my mum's chinese is much worse than my dad's.)
i would say i am reasonably conversant, but compulsive use of mother tongue just creates racial boundaries.
singapore is a multi racial society, something i am rather proud of actually.
it is important for us all to have reasonable competency in our common denominator.
by that i of course refer to the use of the english language.
we should not speak the queen's english all the time.
but rather, we should be ABLE to speak to the standard required by the situation.
thus i would occasionally speak like this, enunciating my syllables fully and such.
but sum time i speak lai dat lor.
(this, btw, is why i dont like china people.)

3) i do not believe in blind obedience.
not to a government.
not to a god, whose existence cannot even be proven.
i do not believe in faith alone, i believe in questioning.
which sets me apart from traditional confucian obedience to authority.
but then again why am i not surprised that the country that came up with that became communist.

speaking of communism, there is no such thing as a communist state irl.
nor has there ever been.
communism, in its FINAL STATE means no government at all.
the people obey the rules, thus there is no longer a need for governance.
what we (or rather, what people who read, which rules out 99% of singapore) know as communism is just effectively a dictatorship.

...and its 3, so im gg to sleep.
i hate sleep.
i cant fall asleep without thinking.

Gang Control- Leftöver Crack

Policia, policia; why can't you see
Your bullets will never pacify me
I don't fight the world; the world fights me
Cause the gang in control is the fucking P.D.