its been 2 months since you left me.
exactly 2 months to the day.
i remember that day.
i'm still trapped in it.
i was shivering.
crying.
wondering why my beer tasted extra bitter.
trying to comfort myself.
guess what?
i still am.
and its not working.
i'm still trapped in that day.
i remember everything about it.
typical lazy afternoon.
you were recently back from sports camp.
i couldnt wait to see you, but you had to rest.
i sms-ed you in the morning.
i asked you if you still loved me.
you didn't answer.
i knew my life was about to change.
i didnt wanna know.
i tried to hide.
but when you actually told me i couldnt take it.
i cabbed over immediately.
even though you told me not to.
i was trying my best not to cry in the cab.
i remember seeing your family.
your mum and dad.
your brother.
last time i'd see them.
i went upstairs.
you shouted at me.
i cried.
i'm sorry i went.
but it was the only thing i knew how to do.
you brought me upstairs and shouted at me.
i just couldnt stop crying.
i just wanted to die.
you said you were sorry and called yourself a bitch.
you started crying too.
we just cried.
for different reasons.
for guilt.
and for anguish.
then you told me to leave.
i left you house.
and within a few days, your life too.

you said we'd be good friends still.
then you said we'd be good friends after i got over you.
its never gonna be as good as before.

remember the time at kovan?
i wanted to send you home.
to cab you home and walk all the way back.
just for you.
remember the way you looked at me when you saw me?
that look just ripped me apart.
the way you just drove me off.
that almost killed me.
i should've killed myself 2 months ago.
would've saved every1 the trouble.
i would've saved my friends the trouble of coping with me.
i would've been better of dead.

its been 2 months.
sometimes i think i've gotten over you.
but whenever i remember you.
i just wanna curl up and die.

if this kinda shit happens too often i'd become like yuxuan.
an ugly, flabby FREAK version of yuxuan.
kill me. please.