something happened today which proved me wrong.
i've lost my edge.
whatever happened to my bloodlust?
i'm now just all talk no action.
i've changed a lot since sec 2.
i haven't "stayed hungry".
i'm ashamed of myself.
sometimes people say i'm too nice.
now i'm inclined to agree.

there's 1 line in the satanic bible.
its one of the core teachings, actually.
if someone harasses you, warn them.
if they persist, destroy them.
i failed in it today.
perhaps because i'm not ready enough to undergo that spiritual epiphany i so sorely need?
ah, i need to read the text.
maybe the words of mr LaVey will show me the true path.

guess what's the most important religious holiday in the church of satan?
your birthday.
yep.
for me, that'll be in 25 minutes.

i dont wanna turn 18.
1 year less to live.
increased age means increased responsibility.
and honestly, i'm gonna be disappointed yet again with this year's celebration.
seems like no1's done anything.
despite the fact that they said they would.

honestly, i'm not looking forward to growing older.
i dont wanna drive.
i dont wanna graduate.
i wanna remain as a perpetual 16 year old.
yep.
the joy of innocence is one that is lost on me.

i saw mik that day.
he just finished his o lvls.
he's grown a lot now.
he wants to get into mass com.
honestly, i wish him luck.
he's a smart young man. (yeah, cant call him kid anymore.)
with a bright future.

i've got 2 songs now.
this is:
i'm 18 by Alice Cooper.

I got a
baby's brain and an old man's heart
Took eighteen years to get this far
Don't always know what I'm talkin' about
Feels like I'm livin in the middle of doubt.

and this is:
A Tout Le Monde by Megadeth.

A tout le monde (To all of the world)
A tout mes amis (To all my friends)
Je vous aime (I love you)
Je dois partir (I must leave)
These are the last words
I'll ever speak
And they'll set me free