i'm feeling kinda... disappointed with my life thus far.
i know that there are many others who would like to live my life instead of thier own.
i know, mine is quite good, actually.
but i just can't seem to step out of erin's shadow.
we used to be the same.
we both were outcasts with shaven heads and weird behaviour.
we were both short bespectacled outcasts with stereotypically geeky interests.
robotics... reading science fiction... playing magic the gathering...
over time...
everything changed.
we both grew up.
we both changed.
true, we both still have those interests, but more for nostalgia's sake i believe.
now the rest of us are becoming more like yuxuan jrs.
even in our crew, he's the guy who carries us in routines.
among ourselves, he's like the de facto leader, the alpha male.
i know the crew is supposed to be equal.
but honestly, the creative control is split uneasily between me, nic, erin and zen.
wilson listen's to everything erin says, actually.
i hate to say this, but he's like erin's doormat.
and style-wise he's just another powerhead, just like erin.
only thing is, he's nt as gd.

am i supposed to wallow in sorrow at being worse than erin?
nope.
i'll have to look for some way in which i can be better than erin, barring extremely convoluted set ups.
so far, he's
1) a better fighter
2) has a wider array of moves in bboying
3) richer
4) socially more apt.
5) more muscular.

BUT

1) i've gt my angel XD
2) i've gt a far wider vocabulary that will not likely be used in day to day life.
3) i've got a varying range of knowledge in many fields that are of not much consequence in real life, like cryptozoology.
4) I CAN DRINK MILK!!! lol

so, i'm actually better than him in ways.
but they're all not apparent and not of much consequnce in day-to-day-life.
hmm...
maybe i'll learn something that he can't do...
but everything i've thought of so far is too expensive 4 me...
maybe...
i'll learn a foreign language...
maybe spanish or latin...
or maybe...
i'll learn grappling techniques...
hmm...
yuxuan, in the ring, mainly throws punches and kicks.
if i were to fight him,
i'd lunge in, tanking blows,
while grabbing him.
then, i'd use various headlocks to suffocate him.
when he is woozy, i'd be able to deal fatal blows to his neck or head.
of course, we'd never meet in the san shou ring.
1st, we're in vastly different weight categories.
2nd, he'd spend the whole match dancing around the ring throwing kicks.
3rd, i'd not be allowed to use any locks for more than 3 seconds under san shou rules.

maybe i'll learn various locks and throws...
especially since i'm not improving much when i'm training at bishan.
ever since wen fu coach left (i dunno y)
there's only eloon there.
and there are newer students.
every1 from my batch is more or less gone.
and strangely enough, there's some old uncle there.
meh.
anyways, eloon's training every1 to fight more like a boxer.
before i went to the national team, they were training us on kicks and progressing to simple grappling.
now it seems that everything's gone back to basics now.
i originally wanted to join to learn grapples, as i believe that grapples are capable of inflictingg significantly greater punishment.
its just plain physics.
force=mass x acceleration.
hence, more force is done.
because,
grapples use the mass of a person's body against him.
punches use the mass of ur fist, coupled with acceleration from your body.
of course,
more work has to be done.
its the difference between swinging your fist and swinging your opponent.
i wish i could just grab my opponent by his ribs and squeeze the breath out of him and eventually crush his ribs. against my shoulder.
i know, i sound like some sick maniac.
but hey,
at least i channel my rage positively.
i don't mow down random ppl i meet in the streets, do i?
LOL
anyway... i gtg now.
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