life is shitty nowadays.
seriously.
first up, i'm sorry nic, for ripping on your blog and using the same song.
but that song best exemplifies how i feel.
i just don't know what to do.
i just fucked my ankle playing soccer.
fucking field. full of ruts.
and i'm seriously gonna miss playing soccer.
i'll miss the new dudes i met.
so many ppl in soccer are... colourful personalities.
i'll miss playing soccer...
i'll miss crawling up at 6 am to go and play soccer.
and...
i lost my lip stud...
i need to go buy a new one...
i want to go queensway and buy...
but i jio ppl go on theory g's blog...
and NO1 FUCKING RESPONDED.
fuck you guys.
some of you didn't even reply my sms-es.
fuck it.
i'll dig time after school or something.
i'll go alone.
fuck you dudes.
can't u guys at least reply my sms?
you think i enjoy mass sms-ing u guys ah?
only a few of you replied lor...
its been 6 days, guys.
seriously?
this the kinda SHIT that makes me wanna curl up and cry at home.
yeah, i'm a wussy boy.
BIG FUCK.
where were you guys all the time?

i just woke up.
i dreamt william died.
i literally woke up with tears streaming down my face.
i just ran downstairs and hugged my mum.
i dont know what made me dream of this.
its jorrible.
i don't give a fuck if this sounds me.
its seriously depressing to imagine william gone.
it freaks me out to imagine waking up 1 day and realising that he's gone.
i've known him for 5 years already.
ever since sec 1.
we were both in scouts.
i rmb the childish days when we both used to play wwf cards together and such.
i rmb how we all LOVED wrestling then...
this dream made me realise that i should treasure him as a friend and as a brother.
it made me realise how much i was taking him for granted.
thank you william.
you're always here when i need you.
even when i have to borrow your phone at odd hours of the night because mine died.
thank you man.
for always being there for me.

ok... was bored... so decided to do some quizzes...
heh. wu liao, hor?

According to experts, I am : 80% Kinky Take the Kinky Quiz at JokesUnlimited.com

knn... i rly very kinky meh? i dun think so lor...

All for the money I would do things for money 75% of the time Take the Would You Do It Quiz at JokesUnlimited.com

lols... i'm strapped for cash. i need cash. so be it.

According to experts, I am : 69% Pure Take the Purity Test at JokesUnlimited.com

I'M PURE HOR! PURE. AND. INNOCENT.

According to experts, I am : 67% Evil Take the Evil Quiz at JokesUnlimited.com

told u im nt completely evil... i'm HOLY! thats y i've gt an angel, eh?

ok... i've decided to put up my moveset here to show every1 exactly how mediocre i am as a bboy.

FOOTWORK
1-step
3-step
6-step
12-step

FLOATS
Turtle
Hand Glide

SPINS
Kneespin
Backspin

FREEZES
Baby Freeze
Elbow Plant
Shoulder Freeze
Air Baby

MISCELLANEOUS
Worm
Kip Ups
Toprocks

WORKING ON
4-step
5-step
7-step
UFOs
Crickets
Darkhammers

I won't compare it to yuxuan's.
its too depressing.
i won't bother.
especially the spins and freezes.
zen?
his footwork is WAY better...
nic?
his toprocks are just plain smooth...
mickey mouse?
i won't compare with yuxuan jr, k?
fuck it.
i've got a long way to go in those areas.
i know exactlty where i stand now, and its seriously shit.
i only toprock well when buzzed.
and i'm so fucking broke i cant afford that.
it wouldn't even be gd too anyway.
fucking BOLLOCKS.
this is total shit.

haha... i uploaded my pic from jam and hop...
i think i look nice in it...
if u dun think so, fuck you.



also, i made this pic to say a big FUCK YOU to the commercial crap filling our world now. i think its nice, k? even if no1 else does.



any1 like it?
shld i make more similar stuff?
im thinking of making 1 that says i hate pink floyd, just like johnny rotten's

haha... i'm BACK!
home again.
WHEE! (sarcastically)
yeah i'm back.
went to TP's Jam And Hop on sat.
breaked it down all night long!
woohoo!
and i finally nailed KIP UPS!
yeps.
kip ups.
YAY!
so i now finally can add more moves to my routine.
3-step. nailed.
basic suicide. nailed.
KIP UPS! NAILED!
and Jam And Hop was fantastic...
i swear going to that improved every1's toprocks...
anyway...
i... KINDA... freaked nic's gal out...
haha...
shan't comment on that.
but sry nic, k?
after jam and hop...
apparently alexis was SMASHED at her chalet...
so i went over.
meh.
was very disappointed actually.
i promised her not to get drunk, so i din drink at all at jam and hop.
and SHE went and got herself totally smashed.
ah well.
i still love her.
so i went and drank some too...
we ended up sleeping there in the end...
the next morning we both woke up nursing hangovers...
so we both decided to skip our trainings...
then when we could actually walk without wanting to black out we left...
din noe where to go...
so we ended up catching a movie at princess in bedok.
u shld try it 1 day, actually.
u can literally do whatever u want.
put ur legs up...
remove your shoes...
tar pau food inside...
pick up phone calls...
occupy the whole row...
whatever u want to do.
there's so little ppl lor...
haha....
hidden secret of bedok.
anyway...
im fucking tired... i'll go sleep...
zzz

michelle asked me to say that she's beside me.
and apparently she thinks its hilarious.
bmn , .,n ,hvhmbn.l
ok she just spammed.
oh well.
makes me seem mature by comparison, innit?
how much older is she than me?
by around 1 year and 1 month.
LOL.
anyway....
tml...
TP JAM AND HOP!
WH(isk)EE!
and maybe some MINERAL WATER!
haha...
we'll hopefully have a fantastic time...
we'll be breaking...
watching yuxuan SIAN ZHA BO, AS ALWAYS.
drinking...
and i can't get drunk, btw.
qr dun let.
and summore i'd betta take bus home to save cash.
and i dun think the guys can carry me home anyway...
ahah...
omfg...
i'm officially hen-pecked.
oh well.
for her?
its definitely worth it.
haha... and today i wennt to my sch's open house.
ji seow seow again, as usual.
lol.
bought a fake new era ballcap for 7 bucks.
and i got this cute lil' trexi toy.
haha...
damn fun to fiddle around with lor...
hahas.
i'll post pics of it next time, k?

haha...
the cleric and his family had a platonic relationship with the satanic nazis next door, until the bastards cheated them at poker and then stole their merchandise.
LOL
haha... just changed my skin.
whu likes it?
i designed it, while yinny coded it. whu likes it?
and i embedded the song.
so there's only 1 song to choose from.
and i deleted my flicr.
otherwise it'll turn into only pics of me and my qr.
HAHA.
(YA RIGHT. =.=)
wanna bet?
(sure. i have confidence k!)
i take more pics wif u then. LOL
(not not gonna happen. im camera-shy)
so am i. then im gonna become ur personal paparazzi k?
(... *bites*)
LIAR! she din bite me! OW! she just did.
(HAH! SERVES U RIGHT. *satisfied look*)
meh. if it makes u happy then bite away.
(orh. ok.)
haiz... okie then...
dun wan let u spam on my blog liao...
=(
lol. what're u complaining abt?
u've gt e password, rmb?
(YA AH! maybe i shd spam here everyday. *thinks*)
dun wanch....
HMMPH!
she's ignoring me now.
she keeps censoring me...
meh.
anyway...
TP JAM AND HOP TML!
WH(isk)E!
LOL
shit... sum1's ignoring me again.
i go ji seow her again... bb...

i just woke up.
throat feeling sore-rer than ever.
other than that, body feels fine though.
stomach getting.... err.... softer though....
i scared i fat then alexis dun wan me liao...
haiz...
makes me wanna kill myself....
does being sick qualify me for another extended bout of emo-ing?
haiz... today thursday....
tml friday... gt work....
brian jio de.... he gt lobang.... act as a gambler...lols
then sat...
i've got this bodybuilding competition to watch....
then TP jam and hop at night...
sian lah...
go there watch yuxuan sian zha bo again...
he going with his gal but still confirm sian zha bo....
haiz... thats yuxuan lah....
that means it'll be more or less me nic and zen...
unless nic brings his gal too...
seriously?
i hope i get so smashed asap so i won't have to watch mr alpha male screw his way through the entire female population of TP.
bring on the whisky guys.
medicine that cures all ails.
it may not take away my sore throat.
but if anything is bugging ur heart, just look for some whisky.
trust me. you'll love it.
its how u really can run away from it all.
just get so smashed that you literally pass out.
after drunk.
puke.
then carry on pouring it down.
drown yourself in the stuff.
it'll make it seems like everything's ok...
haiz... i wish i had a trillion dollars

One trillion dollars can buy a lot of bling
One trillion dollars can buy most anything
One trillion dollars buying bullets, buying guns
One trillion dollars in the hands of killers, thugs

Woah woah whoa fuck the world
A lot of people gotta die tonight
Woah woah whoa fuck the world
Fuck em' all

One trillion dollars in Africa, Iraq
One trillion dollars and it’s never coming back
One trillion dollars can buy some bad-ass drugs
One trillion dollars makes me wanna kill myself

Woah woah whoa fuck the world
A lot of people gotta die tonight
Woah woah fuck the world yeah, yeah,
Fuck em' all

Until the sun burns from the sky
Until the sun burns so bright
This world is no more
Until the sun burns from the sky
And all the people are just dust on the ground

One trillion dollars could buy a heart a soul
One trillion dollars buying nations all the world
One trillion dollars could make the fat lady sing
One trillion dollars, what a bullshit useless thing

Woah woah whoa fuck the world
A lot of people gotta die tonight
Woah woah whoa fuck the world
A lot of people gotta die tonight

Shit loads of money spend to show us wrong from right
Fuck the world
Fuck em' all



Until the sun comes from the sky
Until the sun burns so bright
This world is no more
Until the sun comes from the sky
And all the people are just dust uon the ground

One trillion dollars can buy a heart, a soul
One trillion dollars buying nations of the world
One trillion dollars could make the fat lady sing
One trillion dollars, what a bullshit useless thing

Woah Woah whoa fuck the world
A lot of people gotta die tonight
Woah Woah whoa fuck the world
A lot of people gotta die tonight

Shit loads of money spend to show us wrong from right
Fuck the world
Fuck em' all

these are song lyrics, nt something i wrote, btw.
its a fantastic song....
by anti-flag.

i hate agnes tan's lectures.
she's DREADFULLY boring.
no1 pays attention lor...
and i'm half falling asleep already...
summore must memorise the points in my speech...
and she keeps droning on lor...
why can't she just give us a break?
most of the LT are just chilling or stoning...
i'm TRYING to memorise my speech...
i'm gonna DIE later on lor...

i want. to move out. of here. ASAP.
i don't know why i still live here.
if i had a choice to move out i'd grab it.
living here, i have to bear with my fucking family ALL the time.
so bitch made me lose ALL my work which i was doing for ALL of yesterday.
i'd shank her if i knew which 1 it was.
i think its my mum.
she's so paranoid about the power bill that sometimes she goes around shutting stuff off...
when i'm afk downstairs she'll come over and switch my com off...
and this place sucks anyway...
i wish i could couch surf...
or just kill my family and inherit my house...
then it'll be much more comfortable...
i'd sell off this house and go join that boarding sch 4 dropouts or smth...
after all, i kinda belong there...
i'd feel better there...
every1's smarter than me here... its kinda unsettling...

some fucking BITCH switched off my com.
its either my sis or my mum.
apparently some1 switched off the power to my com.
i removed the battery.
so my com died...
so i've lost EVERYTHING i've written for my speech DUE TML.
thanks a lot, YOU FUCKING BITCH, WHICHEVER ONE YOU ARE.

i've realised i've changed a lot ever since entering poly.
i've started listening to a wider range of (sometimes obscure) music...
half of the songs or even artistes on my ipod are ulu ones...
haha... any1 heard of powerman 5000?
LOL. c what i mean?
and...
i'm more... controlled.
last time i'd go running around screaming just for fun.
and i lived to do stupid stuff.
stupidly FUN.
william!
rmb the time we carried the bench up 4 storeys to class?
hehe...
and rmb the time i taped the car plate on my desk?
haha
also...
my hair is... more normal.
i had weird hair in sec sch.
i had a overgrown faux-hawk at first...
then...
i dun rmb...
i rmb at 1 pt of time i had basically a MUCH longer version of sid vicious's hair.
i rmb telling rowen some time b4 the prom that i wanted a mohawk agter we graduated.
i got it!
haha...
come to think of it...
rowen kinda looks like sid vicious...
meh.
rowen proved to me that weirdos still can pull birds...
his was mighty fine, too.
haha...
cute lah...
haha...
they still broke up though.
hehe.
she dumped him.
fuckin bollocks, innit?
anyway...
i was a total cunt in sec sch...
i loved pissing off yao kan until he ran around covering his ears, screaming uncontrollably.
and i loved punching wilbur...
what else?
hmm...
i loved doing ANYTHING that would piss the teachers off...
i rmbed on the 1st day of sec sch...
my form teacher scolded me for 1 hour++.
and i didn't even listen to her.
LMAO
haiz... good times...
i'm still wearing the same kicks...
hehe... changed the laces, thats all.
and...
i rmb watching timothy piercing rui kiat's ear (i think) in class with a safety pin.
i rmb thinking he was nuts.
haha...
if only i could've seen my future, eh?
LOL
and... i rmb enjoying d and t.
i was actually gd at it...
if i actually had bothered to do my project my r4 would be like... 9 now? or 10.
around there...
i rmb we had a set of loudspeakers in class, in sec 4.
we'd connect my discman to it and BLAST...
i rmb once when class started the physics teacher came in...
we called her goldfish.
her eyes were HUGE!
anyway...
she came in lah...
then to piss her off i turned on saint anger and started headbanging all over the place.
LOL
\m/(>_<)\m/
ROCK ON, BOY...
yeah...
i've changed.
i no longer think simple plan is punk.
HAHA.
they aren't contrary to what nic thinks.
LMAO.
they dun SING punk...
i dunno abt u, but imo punks dun sing about "welcome to my life"
cheer up, emo kids...
anyway...
back in sec sch...
i rmb at 1 time we went 4 math lessons in another class...
i sat nxt 2 fabian...
all the way in the back...
sometimes we'd fall asleep...
other times we'd just shuffle up and play magic...
other times i'd read...
hehe...
i rmb ccl saat in the front row...
then he ALWAYS fell asleep.
he should've brought a pillow...
once, the principal walked past and saw him.
she shouted at him to wake up...
he didn't hear
(he was ASLEEP duh)
so sikai had 2 wake him up.
then he saw the principal (whom we think is a fat ugly bitch, niwae)
then he went
*blink* *blink* *goes back to sleep*
that was MAJOR funny...
and i rmb whenever i was bored in class i'd just sit there and fantasize abt desiree...
hehe...
*william gives guilty look*
and right after i graduated....
i rmb i went around tagging all over the place with a marker...
i rmb i tagged 4 rowen too.
hehe.
"BALLSACK"
and i rmb breaking open lockers in search of stuff to steal...
and i rmb stealing all the fire extinguishers and placing them in my class...
and i rmb one time i stole a plastic sunflower from my sch's counselling rm.
it was called the sunflower.
i posed with it on my ear 4 my class pic.
LOL
and i rmb i was sent to counselling...
dun rmb 4 wad...
but i rmb arranging counselling sessions just to clash with my maths lessons and history lessons.
and i rmb 4 history we had to go to the humans room 4 lessons...
once i din feel like gg...
so i just went late instead.
HAHA.
the lesson was 1 hr long.
i went 55 MINUTES late.
LOL
smart, eh?
and i rmb i din wear white socks through the whole of sec 4.
LOL
and i rmb once the dm complained my hair was too long...
so i went and got a buzzcut just to piss her off...
and i rmb once the fucking OM snipped my tail off...
so after i graduated i stole all the toilet paper frm the 4th floor toilet and wet it, then stuck lumps of it on the ceiling...
and i rmb i thought the "A" class was a bunch of stuck up bitches...
except some, of course.
zen, 4 example.
so once i spray mounted the locks on their classroom doors...
hehe...
i dunno wad happened.
zen!
tell me wad happened!
haha...
i rmb once after school i broke into their class and tagged their class.
im nt sure when i did it...
or what exactly i did.
maybe i spray painted...
i dunno...
hehe...
meh. will remininsce more nxt time, k?
and btw...
if any1 thinks i've changed 4 the worse, please tell me, k?

haha...
i'm gonna publish a guide to the 7 deadly sins game.
IF U WANNA PLAY IT BY URSELF, DUN READ THIS!

sloth-sleep 2 times in a row.

wrath-max out your strength at the gym, then go to the nobody inn and talk to the rotter who challenged you to the bet on the right. tell him..."i'm not very good at this", then "i know". then challenge him to a fight and win.

greed-go to work and play the mini game until you get promoted thrice. you'll get an offer to fire ur colleague for 50 bucks. take it.

envy-max out your strength, then go to the forest on the far left of the map. talk to the guy who loves nature (not a naturist, mind u. HAHA.) and say that you don't love nature. K.O him and steal him binoculars. then, go to the mansion at the top right corner of the map and play the mini game until you manage to fill ur envy-o-meter.

lust-get your drunk meter ALMOST FULL. then, talk to the gal and but her drinks until your lust-meter is full. then. leave the bar. they will ask u to pick a gal. choose the one with the highest lust (i think u HAVE to choose that 1) then, look 4 her and ask how is she. go for a drink with her. complete the mini game by grabbing all 7 glasses.

gluttony-go to mctrevor's and eat burgers until u puke.

pride-max out your looks at the salon. then, go to the club and win the daily male contest.

THINGS I CAN'T FIGURE OUT

what's the leaf for?
is it neccesary to pick up the condom? it seems used anyway...
what happens if u pick the gal with less on the lust-o-meter.
if u decline to fire ur colleague, do u get anth chance 2 do so?
does giving gals burgers or fat in a jug increase the lust-meter?
shld i try the above irl? XP
what's the cologne stolen from the salon for?

OTHER STUFF

if u ask the barmaid for a screaming orgasm, she won't give u "lust" or nookie. who wants HER, anyway...
the npc who asks u iif u wantt last does NOTHING. she's too fugly, anyway. haha.

haha...
firstly...
next week's gonna be another shitty week full of DEADlines.
fucking bollocks, innit?
forgive me if i sound like a cockney punk.
i just finished my essay on punk.
kinda rubbed off...
so i'm now a lil' rotter innit?
haha...
dirty old bastards...
anyway...
maybe next sat we're gonna crash cm's church...
LOL
if we do...
i'll make sure to get pictures.
and i'll also make sure i'm at least half smashed by the time service starts.
hehe.
i wonder how the pastor will react to a fucking lil' shithole headbanging to his holy music.
hehe.
if i'm drunk enough i'll try to start moshing, just to piss them off...
yeah...
"mineral water", eh, guys?
how about....
"peach tea" from johnny walker?
XD
we'll c, k?
have to c whu's interested anyway...
no...
i won't set the place on fire.
i'm tempted to tag the place though.
i'll spray... some anti christian slogans.
like....
"don't believe in false prophets"
or...
"you are your only god"
haha...
okok....
won't get into a rant about christians or evangelism.
i did that quite a lot before already...
hehe.

7 Deadly Sins Can you complete them all in a fort-night? (2 weeks).

its hard to smile when you're not smiling.
you haven't been really yourelf recently.
you need to take a break.
you're seriously worrying.
why, i wonder.
has the K.K.K. taken my baby away?
my dear angel...
where you've gone?
what happened?
i can tell there's something going on.
yeah, you're tired.
but there must be something else besides that.
it's seriously worrying me.
what's happening?
maybe it's me.
everybody's got their dues in life to pay...
i've got to lose so that you can win...

firstly...
IF YOU ARE A FAN OF WINDOWS PLEASE DUN READ THIS POST!

haha...
mac rox.
i dl-ed quite a lot of stuff to...
zhng my com.
lmao.
i dl-ed an inbuilt alarm clock application that works with itunes.
apparently u can even set it to turn on your com at a specified time.
cool, eh?
i'll use it 2 freak my mum, maybe.
imagine if some....
rly freaky starts playing frm under ur bed at 3 am.
LOL
also...
i found an app. called podtube that allows u to dl vids frm youtube.
u just open the video in safari.
then click "get video" in podtube...
cool, eh?
so i can dl all the move guides there.
HAHA.
TAKE THAT, WINDOWS!
then i can put them into my ipod video too!
hehe...

CAN U DO THAT WITH WINDOWS?
so dont fuck wit my com, esp. if u don't even understand what's it like, you little bia...

oh well....
today's my 1st mnth with qr.
feels kinda surreal.
its the first time that a relationship for me has lasted this long.
i'm really glad though.
i don't know how she manages to bear with me.
especially for this long.
i'd grateful for that.
and i'd like this to go as long as possible.
honestly?
not that i'm jumping to conclusions or anything.
i know it'll probably not happen.
even though i may like it to.
but i seriously won't mind spending my life with her.
and btw...
yesterday...
i found out that in terms of this kinda stuff,
i'm kinda becoming like yuxuan.
omg...
am i really that much of a... yuxuan???
anyway...
yesterday i fucked my left wrist trying to jack...hammer.
LOL
yeah.
so i went...
bounce, bounce, fall onto left hand and land awkwardly on wrist.
yeah.
i fall nicely most of the time, but nt this time.
anyway...
i made a card for qr.
i'll post pics of it if she genuinely thinks its nice.
its fucking messy though.
my handwriting sucks.
and now i've got spray mount on my floor and dust on my bed.
zzz...

YAY!
yesterday was peggy mummy's birthday.
22nd one, btw.
she's OLD!
older than me by 5 years.
oh well.
we still love peggy ah ma!
haha...
so...
we went...
ICE SKATING!
lols.
we travelled all the way to the west of singapore just for her.
the west of singapore appears to be...
more desolate.
more barren.
anyway...
we were ice skating...
haha...
my 1st time ice skating.
surprisingly,
i wasn't the first to fall down.
that was (unsurprisingly)
jiahao.
i only fell down 2 or 3 times actually.
haha...
alexis and yinny were clinging to the barricade like crazy...
anyway...
we had a great time.
so thanks, ira, for organising this 4 peggy.
anyway...
after that,
qr wanted to meet my mum.
so we went over to my house lor...
btw, my mum's new hairstyle looks just like ccl's!
anyway... apparently my mum's quite ok with qr.
i hope.
she din INTERROGATE her or smth...
and qr finally saw how messy my room was.
apparently she doesn't think its THAT messy.
haha...
i suppose thats a gd thing.
so,
all in all,
yesterday was just fine.
except that my ankles still hurt.
and todays saturday.
another empty day.
i'm not going for training alone again.
i'm nt improving there anyway.
meh.
shall have to think of ways to fill up my day.
zzz

sometimes when i'm alone.
when i'm not sure what to do.
i just blast my battered mind numb with some metal.
the guitar riffs are so varied.
sometimes..
they can be so melodiously haunting.
they wail.
they rise
they fall.
they take my soul along when they fall.
sometimes when i'm sad.
i don't booze myself numb.
i try to drown my sorrows in music.
the guitar solos.
they're so fast and furious.
they mirror me.
i just want to scream out all of my frustrations.
someday i should show every1 my playlists.
do a top 20 or something.

I don’t know why its always me taking the blame.
You’re pushing me into this tight frame.
My soul feels pain.
Shackled and chained.
Thoughts running through my head like a runaway train.
My mind needs to heal.
Why do you still.
Put my heart through this mill?
Right in the blender.
My heart feels tender.
Sometimes I just want to die.

who was i trying to kid?
bludrayne is dead.
and has been so for a long, long time.
this isn't bludrayne.
its emowyn masquerading as bludrayne

argued with alexis again.
i know it isn't exactly ethical to put this up on my blog, but where else can i put it?
apparently, she's blocked me.
yeah. i know.
i can't believe it either.
i know its kinda soon to be saying this, but...
why have you begun to treat me like this?
maybe its because you're sick of my immaturity.
maybe you're just plain sick of me.
i have no idea.
the only thing i know for sure is that i'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight.
don't you realise that by doing this you're hurting me?
what's happened?
don't you love me anymore?
weren't we smiling at each other just moments ago?
i miss my angel.
please.
come back to my heart.

i'm feeling kinda... disappointed with my life thus far.
i know that there are many others who would like to live my life instead of thier own.
i know, mine is quite good, actually.
but i just can't seem to step out of erin's shadow.
we used to be the same.
we both were outcasts with shaven heads and weird behaviour.
we were both short bespectacled outcasts with stereotypically geeky interests.
robotics... reading science fiction... playing magic the gathering...
over time...
everything changed.
we both grew up.
we both changed.
true, we both still have those interests, but more for nostalgia's sake i believe.
now the rest of us are becoming more like yuxuan jrs.
even in our crew, he's the guy who carries us in routines.
among ourselves, he's like the de facto leader, the alpha male.
i know the crew is supposed to be equal.
but honestly, the creative control is split uneasily between me, nic, erin and zen.
wilson listen's to everything erin says, actually.
i hate to say this, but he's like erin's doormat.
and style-wise he's just another powerhead, just like erin.
only thing is, he's nt as gd.

am i supposed to wallow in sorrow at being worse than erin?
nope.
i'll have to look for some way in which i can be better than erin, barring extremely convoluted set ups.
so far, he's
1) a better fighter
2) has a wider array of moves in bboying
3) richer
4) socially more apt.
5) more muscular.

BUT

1) i've gt my angel XD
2) i've gt a far wider vocabulary that will not likely be used in day to day life.
3) i've got a varying range of knowledge in many fields that are of not much consequence in real life, like cryptozoology.
4) I CAN DRINK MILK!!! lol

so, i'm actually better than him in ways.
but they're all not apparent and not of much consequnce in day-to-day-life.
hmm...
maybe i'll learn something that he can't do...
but everything i've thought of so far is too expensive 4 me...
maybe...
i'll learn a foreign language...
maybe spanish or latin...
or maybe...
i'll learn grappling techniques...
hmm...
yuxuan, in the ring, mainly throws punches and kicks.
if i were to fight him,
i'd lunge in, tanking blows,
while grabbing him.
then, i'd use various headlocks to suffocate him.
when he is woozy, i'd be able to deal fatal blows to his neck or head.
of course, we'd never meet in the san shou ring.
1st, we're in vastly different weight categories.
2nd, he'd spend the whole match dancing around the ring throwing kicks.
3rd, i'd not be allowed to use any locks for more than 3 seconds under san shou rules.

maybe i'll learn various locks and throws...
especially since i'm not improving much when i'm training at bishan.
ever since wen fu coach left (i dunno y)
there's only eloon there.
and there are newer students.
every1 from my batch is more or less gone.
and strangely enough, there's some old uncle there.
meh.
anyways, eloon's training every1 to fight more like a boxer.
before i went to the national team, they were training us on kicks and progressing to simple grappling.
now it seems that everything's gone back to basics now.
i originally wanted to join to learn grapples, as i believe that grapples are capable of inflictingg significantly greater punishment.
its just plain physics.
force=mass x acceleration.
hence, more force is done.
because,
grapples use the mass of a person's body against him.
punches use the mass of ur fist, coupled with acceleration from your body.
of course,
more work has to be done.
its the difference between swinging your fist and swinging your opponent.
i wish i could just grab my opponent by his ribs and squeeze the breath out of him and eventually crush his ribs. against my shoulder.
i know, i sound like some sick maniac.
but hey,
at least i channel my rage positively.
i don't mow down random ppl i meet in the streets, do i?
LOL
anyway... i gtg now.
JOIN ME NEXT TIME FOR ANOTHER EPISODE OF RANDOMPSYCH(OT)ICRANTS ON CHANNEL BLUDRAYNE!
SAME MACABRE TIME, SAME MACABRE CHANNEL!

guess what?
i'm thinking of making a backyard style shoot wrestling video.
yeah, i'm crazy.
glad you all noticed.
i'm thinking of a shoot-style video with mainly grappling and various locks, rather than the usual kind with insane bumps and liberal usage of foreign objects.
i'll probably focus on the technical aspect of grappling.
and maybe i'll use a few weapon shots, just for fun.
who has any ideas?
mainly matwork.
and maybe i'll use a reversed greco-roman style hold into a pinfall as a finish.
any ideas?
btw...
EXIT MUNKY. ENTER BLUDRAYNE.
it feels SO good to be back...

GUESS WHAT?
the 1st thing my mum did to me in 2007 was...
*obligatory drumroll*
SHOUT AT ME!!!!!!
i SO love my mum, eh?

i'm just back from thon-ning last night.
happy fucking 2007 every1.
i hope yours is just peachy.
so far... mine was... ok only...
nt enuf $.
nt enuf alcohol.
meh.
anyway...
im kinda sick of being functionally inferior to erin.
in case u dunno wad u mean, it means that im worse than him or equal him in every aspect, barring some really convoluted set up.
well...
he's a better bboy than me.
he's richer than me.
he's stronger.
he's MR. FUCKING CHICK MAGNET.
he's smarter.
yeah. i just found out too.
apparently his iq is 142 or something liddat..
his grades are better than mine.
so he's better than me.
except if...
we were lost in a jungle or something. then i'd survive better.
or if we were in a trivia contest. i'd probably win that too.
oh well.
erm...
i'm more experienced with a knife? (i think)
it sucks after a while.
oh well.
i've still gt my angel.
now if only i could find a way to keep her for myself.
and away from every other pretty boy or rich bastard that happens to pass...
meh.

well apparently MANY ppl have commented on whether $=Happiness.
firstly, im sorry, fiona.
i rly shouldnt have spouted off my mouth too fast.
i apologise, k?
but i honestly feel sick of all the materialism present everywhere in life.
seriously.
cash isn't everything in life.
BUT
in life, you're nothing without cash.
money doesn't immediately bring about happiness.
its what you do with the cash that brings you happiness.
BUT
with more cash, you have more options to choose from to achieve your path to happiness.
its just probability.
if you have more cash, you can get to do more stuff.
an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite amount of typewriters can eventually create the works of shakespeare.
hence, cash isn't a instant road to happiness.
many people who have too much cash are still unhappy.
its how u use the cash.
and if u have more cash, you've kinda got more options.