Haiz…back from pop at the fort.
Not many people went. The place was less than half filled.
Scratch that. Less than a QUARTER full.
Looked very…. lonely.
If there were lots of people we could at least mosh a bit and have some fun.
The place was SERIOUSLY empty….
How come so many people last minute didn’t go?
Was kind of…. depressing.
Even when I was there…
I wasn’t really feeling the beat.
No offense.
But it just wasn’t my flow.
It was… very Airell.
Couldn’t really catch it.
So… all my bros were… like… bitching like fuck.
Wilson, William and Fulin were virtually wallflowers.
Nic and Eboy were like… complaining that they were itching to break.
I also wanted to break. But break beats aren’t the DJ’s sound.
Wtf did they want me 2 do?
I can’t ask the DJ to cramp his own style and play some phat beats.
That would be so totally dissing the DJ…
William and Fulin were totally nonexistent.
You know… you guys could be more sporting.
I spent something like half the night to convince everyone to relax and just have fun.
You guys ever heard of that concept?
Relax and have fun?
Dudes…
Anything I suggested was promptly met with stares of bewilderment and the “did you bring your brains?” stare.

QUOTE

Me: eh. Guys. Who needs to go home tonight?
*Everyone promptly raises hands, giving “did you bring your brains?” stares. *
William: Duh…. Aren’t you asking the obvious?

FUCK YOU. I’M NOT LIKE YOU GUYS. YOU LIVE YOUR WAY. AND WILLIAM I SWEAR I WAS JUST A BIT TO FUCKING YOUR SHIT ASS UP. DON’T FUCKING ANSWER ME LIKE THAT AGAIN. EVER. OR I SWEAR IM GOING TO FUCKING COMB YOU.

QUOTE

Me: you guys wanna dance?
Eboy: Huh? (Blur look)
Nic: this kinda music how to dance? (“Where’s your brain?” stare)

QUOTE

Me: dudes… you guys look bored… later, before we go, u guys wanna trash the place?
Eboy: Huh? (Blur look)
Fabian: Huh? How?

QUOTE

Me: Dudes… you guys wanna go for supper?
*Promptly ignored*

Do I detect a slight pattern forming here?
Also, if I say something you don’t understand, don’t fucking give me that blank look. Just. Fucking. Ask.
And don’t look like I’m talking shit around me, especially if I’m not smiling.

Niwae… halfway through… Airell set us up to break it off against this one guy. Some fucking pro guy.
I think he’s just doing it to see us get served.
We did, btw.

Then, only Eboy and i breaked it down.
Wilson and Nic just pretended to be oblivious to the world, even when I PHYSICALLY tried to drag them down.
Nic said he was waiting to feel the beat.
Bollocks. Pop tart plays indie rock.
That would be the tightest beat for us.
Wilson? More bs.
Lemme quote again.
Me: Wilson! Go break! GO!
Wilson: Huh? For what?
Me: …
FFS! You’re a BBOY!
Niwae, did u pay 6 bucks just to try to blend in with the background?
If u didn’t like the beats they were playing and don’t really like indie rock, nvm.
But ffs, a bboy just wants to have some fun and break off with us. Might as well give it a try…
FOR WHAT?
That is the single stupidest answer I can think of for that question.
You’re a bboy. U break. Its what you do.
If u wanna shit me then at least come up with a lie, bitch.
Someday u guys have to read up on passion.
No offense but I honestly wonder why u guys do what u do.
With the exception of… Eboy… u guys seem to be doing everything for NO reason.
Why do you guys break?
Y do u guys fight?
Are you guys Bboys for fun?
And do you guys step into the ring for fun too?
Or is there a reason?
Whatever it is you guys definitely don’t have the passion behind it.
Also, u bros are… falling apart.
Let’s take a look.

CM
He had the chance to get into the national team and actually STAY THERE.
Now he’s dropped out of san da. We don’t even see him.

William
Not only is he still as immature as he was in sec 1, he also is becoming virtually dead to us. He seldom responded when he asked out for stuff.

NOD
He’s now more or less dead. Haven’t seen him in a LONG time.
He doesn’t even TRY to make time to meet us up.
I’ll be seriously surprised if he comes for my birthday.
I don’t even know if I should bother asking.

Ccl
Virtually uncontactable most of the time. Probably dropping out of san da sooner or later. I can’t really understand him. Different wavelengths. Half the time when we talk about stuff that requires thinking he looks blank.

QUOTE
Me: have you ever thought about why are you fighting?
CCL: err…. 6 pack?
Me: …
Me: fuck you.
Me: have you ever thought why you are learning san da?
Ccl: Huh?
Meh.

Zen
I don’t understand him. At all.
Maybe he has drastically different viewpoints.
Dude, no offense but u seriously should get to know more types of people.
And I know this isn’t my business but stop trying to imply that your brother is useless shit.
He isn’t.
I’ve only spoken to him a few times and haven’t for a long time.
But all he did was take a wrong turn where I took a right.
And I don’t really like the way you speak so stereotypically of ah beng types…
To you all they know is to fight and cause trouble.
That’s what many people think of me when they see me too.
And trust me, it sucks when people treat you like that.
I got a lot of shit like that initially when I got into poly.
People didn’t want to be in the same group as me for projects.
And I got a lot of bitching behind my back about stuff I’d rather nt repeat in the public domain.
Sometimes I still do.
People are still kinda surprised when I do something impressive, like writing an essay that is halfway decent.
Niwae…
Your bro is an ah beng…
YOU should know better….

Fulin?
Can’t really say much. Don’t meet him much. That’s why. But what I don’t like is he being so strict. You sometime speak like someone in authority. That is, not giving any reasons why. You’re not a policeman you know. And “because it’s wrong” isn’t really a good reason for anything.
Meh.

I seriously hate life now. My bros used to be the thing that kept me going.
Something I could depend on.
But now?
All this talk of BL shirts and friendster accounts is kinda late….
Its kinda like trying to keep a sinking ship afloat.
I hate to say this
But BL seems to be dying. We don’t really see each other half the time nowadays.
Metaphorically, my crutch is snapping.
I used to have something to wake up to everyday.
But for a long time now….
I literally have no reason to live.
All of them have been pulled out from under my feet.
One. By. One.
First it was val.
Then san da.
Then now maybe even BL.
I reckon that Most of you guys didn’t even really have a feeling of affiliation in the first place.
Now I don’t know why I even bother waking up in the mornings.
There’s nothing to do.
Literally.
At first I woke up happily every day to meet val.
Then after a while I woke up every day, wasted my whole day and went for training at night.
Now I don’t even have training at night.
I’m literally free, aside from school.
Something I don’t even like much anymore.
I used to enjoy wasting my time with my classmates.
But now?
It’s different.
Something’s changed.
i hate it.
Maybe this makes me sound like a wuss but yeah, I feel like crying.
WILLIAM!
There’s more to life than being an alpha male.
Listen to your heart.
Guys. Also. Have. Feelings.
I don’t know why expressing them makes you think I am going soft.
If showing my feelings makes me a sissy boy, fuck it.
I’m a sissy boy then.
And there is to more to a girl than fucking her.
Girls are human beings too.
They have thoughts and feelings you know.
Bitch.
And I seriously fucking hate it when someone fucks around with my hair, especially the tail.
Whether you pull it or do something else stupid with it like burn it, I don’t like it. I aint gonna do anything yet though.
But if you EVER touch the tail, I’m fucking gonna bitch slap you.

I hate this shit.
Still getting shitloads of hate about my hair.

PEOPLE WHO don’t like MY HAIR.
1. Fulin
2. Airell
3. Ccl
4. William
5. MY MUM
6. MY SIS
7. Fabian
People who actually like it, or at least think its ok.
1. The old uncle at the kopitiam who sells drinks.
2. The middle aged auntie who sells cards
3. Eboy
4. Nic
5. Sheereen
6. Alexis
7. Nadia
8. Mikhail’s uncle

I think half the people in the 2nd list are just being polite. Fuck that. MOST.
And William. Don’t pretend on my tag board that you like my hair when you still make your disparaging comments about it.
Fulin and William still pull my tail.
During the death note movie they kept doing so until I turned around and threatened to stab them.
That’s a bit back but they still do this shit.
Fuck. Fulin’s been doing it for years.
GROW UP, BITCHES.
I swear. Sometimes I could just stab someone.
Maybe I should do the world a favour and just kill myself.
I am a:
1. Waste of fuel as I use too much electricity.
2. Waste of food as I eat too much.
3. Waste of time, as I’ll probably never amount to much anyway.
4. Waste of school fees, as I’m no good at that.
Furthermore, I’m a psycho. Maybe one day I’ll kill someone, or do something equally stupid. I wont be surprised if that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I’m now lacking something to live for.
I hate this shit.
I want to grow wings and fly away.
Somebody KILL ME PLEASE.