Shopping. Again.

yeah i went shopping again.
guess what?
i bought new kicks.




i dunno if i should put laces in them.
maybe i should leave the laces out on purpose.
like run DMC...

i'll give it a try for a while and see how it feels.
and no.
i know every1 will say it looks funny, but i don't really care.
i'm old school, aight?
lols...

anyway...
that wasn't the only thing i bought.



MOTORHEAD!
i LOVE motorhead.
they're one of the best nwobhm bands.
i love how they're kinda speed, yet kinda thrash.
they're a great band.

and yeah, i love england.
if i had a choice i would be born a brummie, or somewhere in the area.
probably cockney, actually.
ah well.
no sense trying to be what im nt, aight?
otherwise i'd just be a half assed wannabe.

yeah, anyway...
i also bought a pair of black jeans.
looks kinda formal for my taste, so i probably wont be wearing it all the time.
i'll wear it sometimes lor.
hopefully i'll be going out more often, i suppose.
kinda sick of being cooped up at home so often.

i'm now downloading movies.
very... long...
bittorent is taking forever.
yeah i watched a movie that day.
a movie made in 1960.
its called spartacus.
and it was something like...
3hours long?
my ass ached like hell.
but guess what?
it was so old it had an interval in the middle.
orchestral music and all.
was a really nice movie though.
shall download more movies to kill my time.
will find a job soon.
when i'm not too lazy.
and no, i don't think i'll be coming if training is scheduled everyday.
i'm flat broke.
i need cash.
so unless i find some hot auntie to pay for me,
i need a job.
oh well.

Ace of spades, by Motorhead

You know I'm born to lose, and gambling's for fools,
But that's the way I like it baby,
I don't wanna live for ever,
And don't forget the joker!

Shit Happens.

Shit Happens.
gabriel Goh just died.

gabriel goh was my junior back in scouts.
junior by 2 years.
he was from the batch i was closest to, as they were the PL batch when i was QM.
yeah, so i'm quite close to that batch of scouts.

and he was the next QM after me, so i kinda...
treated him like my student, in a way.
not that he needed my help.
he was as good with the equipment as i was.
better with the gas lamps, in fact.
he was a really good scout.

yeah he was killed in a traffic accident today.
i was on the bus home when i heard it.
lester called me.
he sounded kinda...
urgent.
and he told me to call noel lah...

noel already knew.
he sounded kinda sad.
strange, coming from him.

gabriel goh was... a nice guy.
yeah, he often got on lotsa ppl's nerves.
but who doesn't?
we'll miss him.
and yeah. this is 1 of the few times i cry because of a guy.

gabriel.
remember me when you're in heaven.
i'll remember you.

once a hornet scout, always a hornet scout.

The Scout Hymn.

Now as I start upon my chosen way,
In all I do, my thoughts, my work, my play,
Grant as I promise, courage new for me
To be the best, the best that I can be.

Load it up and kill one

ok i'm really bored so i'm gonna flame a random group of people now.
yes, i dont mind if they come along and take offence, because i'm quite sure i can shank their asses up.
so anyway...
*spins wheel*
.
.
.
oh wait.
i dont have a fucking wheel.
oh well.
i choose....
anime freaks.

first things first.
you are NOT japanese.
you will NEVER become japanese no matter how hard you try.
you dont have a chance to, so why dont you give up dropping jap phrases every once in a while even though NOBODY UNDERSTANDS YOU.

you dont see me dropping latin phrases even though i've always wanted to learn latin, have you?
no wait. thats a bit remote.
you don't see me spouting cockney phrases even though i'd actually like to be a brit, innit?
and no, words like bollocks and cunt dont count because they've received widespread media attention and are thus well known internationally.

and yeah anyway.
there's a fine line between devotion and obsession.
devotion is watching anime when you've nothing to do.
obsession is locking yourself home all day to watch anime for hours straight without taking a break.

anyway...
anime is a fucking cartoon.
yeah, it has plots and such.
big fucking difference.
its still a cartoon.
even though there's a plot doesnt mean you can watch it non stop, innit?
i mean...
*pulls a direct comparison out of nowhere*
i dont watch the simpsons or south park non stop, eh?

anyway its kinda stupid when someone pops a major nose bleed when he sees a bit of leg.
or stuff like that.
yep.
in real life it all happens, eh?
we suddenly pop huge # signs on our heads.
we grow astronomically huge drops of sweat.
our eyes suddenly grow disproportionately huge.
every guy's hair is either impossibly long or impossibly spiky.
hair dye is dirt cheap.
everybody can pull amazingly huge hammers out of some 5th dimension behind their backs.

ah well...
anime is a dime a dozen.
and some people really take it too seriously.
i really hate some aspects of it.
for example...
i hate the "chibi" style.
not only is it nowhere near anatomically realistic,
it isn't even physically possible to have heads so disproportionately huge.
its just yet another pathetic attempt to seem "cute"
maybe this is because i'm a fucked up weirdo, but i don't even think it looks nice in the first place.
do you idiots really think its fucking CUTE?
if you do, take a BLOODY look at this.



cute?
i don't fucking think so.

anyway...
i hate people who try to fucking act cute.
no, it isn't cute.
maybe this is because i don't share their aesthetic or smth.
i just don't really understand cute.
i've kinda got a fucked up sense of aesthetics, actually.
i understand the mainstream sense of style,
but i dont understand the rationale behind it.
nor do i appreciate it.

i don't know...
i've had a kinda...
macabre sense ever since...
i don't know...
sec 2 or 3?
its been quite a while.
i used to be such a...
normal little boy.
now i'm...
*breathes deep*
a psychotic-sadistic-self-depreciating-morbid-lunatic.
maybe i've grown up.
all i know is that if this goes on and on...
selwyn's dead.
munky's dead.
it'd be blüdrayne all the way.
maybe i should get myself a padded cell.
i've gotten sent to all sorts of counselling and such...
i'm not sure if it'll work.
maybe i should go try electroshock therapy.
its more...
forceful, so it SHOULD work better.

i used to think i'd only be... insane until i found someone willing to listen to me et al.
guess what?
i was wrong.
its like a genetic disorder.
it becomes recessive, but sooner or later it comes back.
like some overnight curry you eat at 3am.

oh yah.
during the holidays maybe i'll be designing (and printing) t shirts.
so far the general concept we've come up with shock.
its like marilyn manson, to put it simply.
so far i've come up with 3 general themes.

1) desecration of cultural icons.
for example... a gory, zombified elvis.

2) Sexual deviance.
usage of sexually deviant imagery. for example, CBT (cock & ball torture)
its basically like pornogrind.

3) General gore.
for example... i've come up with 1 idea.
imagine a curled up bloody foetus.
ok now imagine it with weathered, grey stone wings.
imagine a noticeable crack in its skull.
imagine a muted halo.
imagine it positioned on the heart of a black t shirt.
now imagine a celtic cross graphic stretching across the whole t chirt, with the crux located at the heart.
thats my idea.
i'll get down to doing it eventually...

anyway... stylistically its kinda like early punk rock crossed with shock rock.
i'm quite sure nobody understands that though.
noone's (who reads my blog) as into music as i am.
and don't gimme shit about different genres.
i listen to more than metal.
i can basically round most ppl's musical taste to 3 genres, actually.

lemme try...

Yuxuan-
Electronica-Influenced breakbeats (no, not hip hop.i refuse to call it hip hop, though its a stylistic offshoot.)

William-
Post-Grunge and Thrash Metal (and related subgenres)

FuLin-
Chinese Pop/Pop Rock.

Ccl
Chinese Pop

yah well.
this is some.
i could go on all day "reading" every1, but i wont really bother.

oh yah
(this is getting to become a long post, so skim over. in fact, it doesn't really matter, because i'm sure every1 skims through everything anyway.)

i forgot.
just now i said who.
who?
i'm making the t shirts with my granddaughter-who-is-older-than-me.
she's like a female version of me.
no that isn't a good thing.
equally unstable.
equally sadistic.
equally lackadaisical.
and yeah, she listens to old music too.
she listens to music older than mine.
its kinda freaky, actually.

oh yah.
she kinda looks like a monkey.
she kinda looks like a skinny skeletal chimp.
and i hope she never hears that LOL.

Suicide solution, by ozzy osbourne.

Wine is fine but whiskey's quicker
Suicide is slow with liquor
Take a bottle, drown your sorrows
Then it floods away tomorrows
away tomorrows

FreeBird

sian lor.
another day spent doing nothing in general.
its kinda relaxing after newswriting, actually.
so i spent all day today relaxing and listening to music lor.
i keep listening to this song by freebird.
its by a southern rock band called lynyrd skynyrd.
its got a slow beginning that really brings out the insanely fast guitar solo.
and the lyrics in the beginning...
they're really nice, actually.
kinda too happy for me.
sometimes.

dunno leh.
i like old rock songs.
cb.
i really turn into ah gong liao.
you cant really blame me that old rock songs are so much better.
maybe newer songs are too fast for me.
*hobbles around with a cane*
idk leh.
not that i dont listen to newer songs.
i do.
ii think trivium are great, for example.
and no1 reading this knows who the hell trivium is, aside from william.

there are so many great old bands.
most of the time old-school is better.
even rap.
would you rather listen to a overproduced retard making noise about sex drugs and money or a actually TALENTED rapper talking about stuff that actually matters?

you know whats the difference between pop rock and glam metal?
they're both genres which depend heavily on ballads and image.
but glam metal is more "acceptable".
the difference?
talent.
even glam metal bands play well.
guitar solos.
what is rock without solos?
this is why saint anger was shit.

knn.
i become mat rock already, i think.
i'm too young to look that old.
i'm only 18.

shit.
and the first thing that came to my mind is that song by alice cooper called i'm 18.
its... 37 years old.
yep. i'm listening to songs twice my age.
its kinda worrying.
well... shouldn't i be listening to newer songs, at the very least?
i mean...
i wouldn't listen to pop like fall out boy.
but shouldn't i at least listen to something... newer?
at least 90s or later?
like RATM for instance.

oh well.
maybe i should just give in lah.
i mean...
even though i'm actually quite young.
i feel old.
i've got the old mat rock feel around me.
i mean...
look at the bands i like.

black sabbath. formed 1968
judas priest. formed 1968
ac/dc. formed 1973.
deep purple. formed 1968 (wow. triple coincidence)

look at them.
i never really realised, but when i see pictures of them...
half are in black and white.
the other half show greying or balding middle aged men.

seriously.
some days i feel ancient.
i refer to any1 under 16 as kid.
most people think i'm at least 20.
its kinda depressing.
william looks around as old, but he doesnt have the old feel around him.
yuxuan looks like he's permanently waiting for his o lvl results.
the rest?
ccl looks like a secondary school kid (in a bad way)
wun really talk much lah...

i've got 3 months and 13 days left until i turn 18.
then i wont be a kid anymore.
i'll officially be old.
funny enough, i already feel that way.

ever watched the simpsons?

i've got the movie, btw.
if any1 wants, ask me.

my fave charac is otto mann.
he's a permanently slacking guy who cant get a proper job and rocks out all day long.
he's like an unemployed mat rock bum, basically.

anyway...
i'm really bored now, so im not doing much now.
i'm basically a bum lor.
oh well.

oh yah.
ever heard the song black maria?
by ronin?
its tune is fuckin' STOLEN!
i just found out today.
stolen (more or less)
from a song called gimme 3 steps by lynyrd skynyrd

Suicide...Have You Tried.
by the anti nowhere league.

Who's gonna notice as you walk on by
Who really cares if you live or die
Who's gonna miss you if you walk on by
Have you ever tried suicide?

Write a letter...but write it in blood
You're all alone...there is no God
You're feeling scared, stop running away
Nobody wanted you anyway

Who's gonna notice as you walk on by
And who really cares if you live or die
And who's gonna miss you if you walk on by
Have you ever tried suicide?

Well take my hand, come dance with me
Take just one step and you'll be free
You'll see no lies in these blood red eyes
You ain't gotta dream when you're dancing in fire

My face.

i wanna do shit to my face.
to myself.
i wanna disfigure myself, so as to speak.
i want...

carve a chelsea smile into my cheeks.
carve vertical lines across my eyelids and onto my cheeks.
to pierce my lips and sew them shut with fishing line.
to carve scars into my back permanently.
to get white contact lenses.
to shave off all my hair and ink my whole head.
to sharpen the 4 teeth in the corners of my mouth.
to implant horns into my skull.

serendipity.

its kinda nice how i'm sitting here doing nothing in particular.
i'm at grace's house with my whole bloody group doing newswriting.
it'll be fantastic if we weren't so stressed about the DEADline.
i think my group's decent, as groups go.
there's my 3 editors.
they're the ones i cant really take.
grace is fine lah.
she'll seize control of all the work, so i'm only left with menial tasks like proof reading.
officially my portion is long completed.
i'm the ceo.
chief entertainment officer.
and self-declared metor in relak-ing for daryll and han fen.
han fen's my ggranddaughter, btw.
yep.
i'm an ah gong now.
i don't know how or why.
i just am.
i shld be the grandson lor!
i'm younger, for starters.
and she's the 1 who listens to oldies.
oh well.
since every1 says i look old, i suppose i do then.

you know what?
cheryl's foot is exactly the same size as my hand.
i measured.
her feet are...
tiny.
but then agaiin, so's most of her.
she's kinda short... ditzy..
she's like a little kid with huge boobs.
yep.
thats it.

i still kinda don't get what i'm here for.
i just am.
so far all i've done is proof read every single article multiple times.
there is, effectively, nothing much to do now.
for me, i mean.
the rest of my group is...
i have no idea what they're doing.
the editing seems to be stuck.
and the designers are waiting for the editing to be done.

oh well.
as long as i shut up everything'll be fine.
i'm worried abt bs-ing leh.
so far i dont think they'll go for me.
i've played my cards right, but i may be overextending.
now the're probably gonna gun for nads.
but i've a feeling wen tong may aim me as well.
i did my work, but hey.
this is mass com.
you nv know.
i've been burnt before.
and so far i'm fine, but i'll not take any chances.
so far i know han fen and daryll are on my side, for sure.
star is likely to be neutral.
the rest...
they'd probably be too lazy to kill me.
those who might are...
grace and wen tong.
i only hope they're too distracted by nads.
if keep mentioning nads it'll be too obvious.
will just have to see my luck.
which usually is horrible.

i've turned into such a deceitful backstabber.
i'm kinda ashamed of it.
but oh well.
i don't wanna get bs-ed like i did last year.
i've not much of a choice.

mOBSCENE, by Marilyn Manson

Ladies and Gentlemen
We are the thing of shapes to come
Your freedom's not free and dumb
This Depression is Great
The Deformation Age, they know my name
Waltzing to SCUM and base and
Married to the pain

This is the end (for you my friend)

do not seek a meaning in life or purpose, as all will end in nought.
do not contemplate existence, as it is merely another exercise in futility.
do not seek to be understood.
do not seek to understand.

life is a mystery.
life is turmoil.
cold sweat.
paranoia.
disbelief.
superficiality.

do not seek a meaning to life.
life is, ultimately, a circle.
ouroboros.
it is a symbol of the end, as it is a symbol of the beginning.

the course of lfe is like a river.
turbulent.
erratic.
terminal.
the only constant in life is death.

why do i seek a purpose?
all will come to nought.
nothing matters.

conformity.
hedonism.
all it matters is superficiality.

i see everyone.
trying their best not to look ugly.
trying their best to fit in.
why?

what happened to the lutheran ideal of having a new world order.
a true meritocracy.
where everyone is judged not by looks.
not by wealth.
not by position.
but by content of character.

i've tried my best to be the best i can be.
in vain.

now that i start.
upon my chosen way.
each thing i do.
my thought my work my play.
grant which is promised.
courage new to be.
to be the best.
the best that i can be.

the world needs hope.
a messiah.
something to believe in.

do not be fooled by illusions of love.
by promises.
all is one.
truth is a lie.
we're all gonna burn.
we'll all take turns.

hope is to be the saviour of life.
but is life in itself worthy of salvation?
even those who profess to be upright of character.
those who preach salvation from the pulpit.
no one is innocent.
god hates us all.

there are no souls of the faultless.
our social order has long ago sold our souls to material pleasure.
we are all sinners.
we glorify the unworthy whores of babylon while we mock those who genuinely want to be true to themselves.

we all deserve to die.
there is no freedom.
there is no individuality.
there is no duality.
all is one.
we'll all burn in the end.

we may profess to love our fellow man.
but when the time comes.
who will stand by their "loved ones"?
there is no love.
there s but humanity.
greed.
selfishness.
the whole throngs of society that unquestioningly conform to their social roles.
you are but the devil's spawn.

there will be nobody to mourn you, mein friend.
your tale will be but a distant memory.
angels do not have memories.
they forget.

we are all but losers in the game of life.
we have no purposes.
are we pawns of a higher being?
are we but helpless objects of amusement in a terrarium?
alas, we will never live to find out.

it doesn't matter.
man does not deserve to find out the truth.
the evils of society have pervaded every facet of our being.
from the victim of the serpent, we are now our greatest nightmare.
our greatest fear lies in the mirror.
we are our own punishment.

you may say that the subtleties of love are strangling you.
i beg to differ.
we are all strangling ourselves.
there is no love.
love is just a fucking sick joke.
a game played by the heartless.

i believed in goodness among man.
i was wrong.
very wrong.

goodness does not exist in times of peace.
we are all brothers when times are plenty.
the only real test of humanity is the ending of it.
deliciously ironic, seeing that the only constant in life is death.

maybe 1 day you'll all see that we are disposable soldiers.
born to die.
we all may busy ourselves like ants.
but in the greater scheme of things do our actions truly have any consequence?
death is a great social leveler.
we may have many wordly gains, or none at all.
but in death, we are all free.
and equal.

redefine wisdom.
the true master of death is not the one who wields it as a weapon of terror.
the master of death is one who is able to accept it as part of life.

we all go eventually.
we will never know when our time is.
we go to sleep placing faith in the idea that we will wake up and continue living.
may it be too late?
if i die before i wake.
i leave the lord my soul to take.

there is no beast.
there is no devil.
when we hear the voice of the devil, it is but the echo of our own voices.
we are all devils.
we are our own worst nightmare.

it goes on, on and on.
its heaven and hell.
there is no heaven.
there is no hell.
there is only earth.
hell sometimes dresses up as heaven.

power eventually consumes itself.
all is one.
we all wait for the end.
die.
the song of life is not a joyful rhythm.
it is but a dirge.

Amazing grace.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.